The IT Man Cometh

I have noticed that the attitude of Italians to weather is identical to the British. When it’s cold, it’s too cold. When it rains, the weather is depressing and they cannot wait for the summer to arrive. Now it is scorching hot in Milan and everybody is (surprise, surprise) complaining that it is too hot to sleep, work or do anything.

Actually, I have to agree with it being too hot, but I do not complain because it was the same in the UK – being really hot is not actually that much fun when you are in work clothes. At least the air conditioning was much more effective when I was in the UK. We switched on the air conditioning in my Italian office and took it in turns to stand near the thin jet of cold air that did nothing to cool down the room temperature. If you were unfortunate enough to read my huge ranting blog post previous to this one, there was mentioned a meeting which was not too good. During the “heated” meeting, the air conditioning blew the electrics. This is a common thing in Milan. Electrics cannot cope with too much, the same happens in my apartment and I have not even got air conditioning (I cannot use a kettle while the washing machine is on). The air conditioning in the office has broken due to this electrical issue, so now everyone is sitting in pools of sweat and complaining all day. When the power went off, someone muttered to me “welcome to the Summer”.

It has now been 2 weeks without air conditioning with an average temperature of about 34 degrees Celsius and rising. This hotness is compounded by the giant 24 inch Apple Macs that we all use that block the new fan from blowing cold air in my face. I am now the sweatiest on account of my seating position. I am under the air con vent, but that is not good in these troubled times!

I am wearing less and less clothes at work each day. Soon I will have to start wearing my best Calvin Klines in order to remain cool and presentable. Going to lunch at the local restaurant will still remain a challenge.

Where is the bloomin’ rain when you need it!

Rather than a rant (although cannot guarantee such things), this is just a list of a few things that I have found strange while living in Italy, but at the same time amusing (ish). I am sure that many people have had different experiences, but these are day to day things for me.

1. Elderly people like to walk everywhere and they do this very slowly and choose a zigzag pattern to make sure that they block you from getting past. You would think that this predictable pattern would be easy to negotiate, but it can be slightly erratic and with the high volume of posts, plant pots and bike racks along the pavement, it is quite tricky to get past. They even look at you and see that you are trying to get past, then continue to get in the way even more and on purpose!
2. The last thing on a driver’s mind in Italy is the road or anything happening on it. Not particularly amusing, but quite amazing in a horrible sense.
3. Italian coffee is the best (if your favourite coffee is espresso). Italian coffee culture is appreciated in the UK, but so are other coffee cultures and espresso is considered as a type of coffee rather than “The” type of coffee. I quite like an espresso, but I prefer a good cup of filter coffee where the type of beans and the roast is of great importance to the flavour. I have not met one Italian so far in Italy who even pretends to know anything about coffee beans, so I am surprised they have such a strong opinion on what makes good coffee (those who do know about such things, I am not talking about you!). I have to admit, that product elitism gets my back up a bit. It reminds me of the (rather more geeky) Apple versus the rest of the world argument – Apple stuff is the best and the other 100s of alternatives are not even worth considering. I cannot respect a strong argument from someone who does not have a balanced view I am afraid! For the record I enjoy both espresso and filter coffee, but find filter coffee a more enjoyable (and obviously longer) experience (flavour and all). I also have an Apple iMac and an Apple iPhone, yet Apple partisans knock me if I have any criticism of an Apple product! Apple products are good, as are non Apple products – they all have issues too. Just take a look at the competition before criticising something – that is all I ask!!!
4. It is going to be a while before the locals in the supermarket work out how to use the self-service checkouts efficiently. Some people stand there staring at the machine expecting it to read their minds. The diagrams on the screen are fairly self-explanatory, so there is no excuse!
5. As you start improving in Italian, you realise that a lot of Italians use a lot of swear words! Many foreign languages sound so eloquent when you do not know what the words mean, but I have discovered that many of my Italian friends and colleagues insert as many rude words as possible into the most mundane of sentences!

These points may change over the course of my life in Italy and surely there will be some more in the future. No offence intended to anyone – these are just observations based on a single view. Feel free to comment and discuss or even to put the record straight!

Health is a interesting topic of conversation in Italy. The Italians are relatively obsessive about their health in that many of them like to have blood tests almost to make sure they have a health problem!

I recently overheard a couple exchanging insults about the number of blood tests they have had recently. The man was not bothered and thought he was fine at age 30 and did not need the hassle of going to the doctor. The girl on the other hand, went to the doctor regularly and knew all the stats about her cholesterol and various other things. She even argued (to her partner) “you sit there feeling good, but you may have some terrible diseases and you just don’t know about them!”. Ignorance is bliss, no?

Having discussed health and safety in Italy with some Italian friends, it appears that when putting signs on the street for say, a gaping hole in the ground, a paper note with sticky tape will suffice in terms of getting sued on health and safety grounds. What a relaxed nation – I think I prefer this to the ease of suing that is evident in other countries, even if the “victim” was just plain stupid. That is just my own opinion though! However, I recently got “forced” to have a doctor’s appointment at the gym. The irony being that it is compulsory to have a medical of some sort if you partake in any physical activity in a public building (apparently). From one extreme to the other! I assume there are certain “activities” that don’t count.

So I turn up to my appointment. The doctor does not speak one word of English and only repeats Italian slowly – fair play, although I half-expected a medically trained professional to have some familiarity with some English words as they are quite fundamental in medicine (so I am told). Never mind. So we fill in his questionnaire – I answered affirmative to everything, so I either have every illness under the sun or a clean bill of health. Then he says something which I correctly translate in my head, which is to strip to my pants. I had joked with friends about it being like school and wearing pants in front of the school nurse. Not so funny now. I protested a bit because I couldn’t understand what benefit it was for me to drop trou’ randomly. He then said it didn’t matter and filed my papers away and bid me farewell. Utter craziness! I think the doctor expected me to want to be completely examined in every way (for medical reasons), but no!

So, who knows what my health report says. It may bite me in the rear some day soon, but I live in hope (and by then, maybe my medical Italian language will have improved somewhat). Let it be said that living abroad can turn the most mundane task into a rollercoaster ride due to a lack of cultural and linguistic abilities!

The words I am referring to are of course Italian words. I am picking up Italian so slowly – I have learned a lot of words and the basics in grammar. I can construct sentences and often be understood, but when it comes to the crunch, I cannot understand what anyone says to me and I cannot seem to answer even the most basic of questions!

I don’t know if I’ve started wearing some clothes that make me look more Italian than I did when I moved here 2 months ago. Maybe it’s my lack of regular shaving and therefore my regular showings of an impressive chin-glove (apparently face topiary is popular in Milan…). It may even be the swagger and confidence to walk to work, dodging cars, motorbikes and crazy old ladies without looking bothered. Whatever the reason is, I keep getting approached for directions – sometimes twice a day. My success rate in directing these people to their desitination is about 50/50. The success rate in conveying this in Italian is also about 50/50, but unfortunately that is only when I have to say “Mi dispiace, non lo so”. The others I directed by pointing and gesticulating like I was trying to land a plane, but they got the idea in the end. I realised that I had learned the words for left and right, but not straight on – although thinking about it, I believe “vai diretto” or “sempre in diretto” would do the trick. It’s amazing how much worse my vocabulary is when I actually need it!

A few days ago, I had quite an Italian language day (for me) and it started when I wished my boss “buon compleanno” and told him “mi dispiace, non ho un regalo per te” (I think that is right and seemed to be understood anyway – I know it is not formal!). So far so good. Then everyone in the office (it’s a small office) nipped out for a bit. The last guy that left was doing a half-day and wished me a “buon weekend” and then asked me “hai la chiave?” or something similar. I realised I knew what he had said and responded accordingly “si, si – buon weekend”. Then trust my luck, being on my own in the office for just a short amount of time, the door-phone-thingy rings and I take responsibility and answer “pronto”. Some muffled talking and all I hear is the name of my company so I say “si”. He asks for someone and asks if they are around (I think) and I say “no”. Quality Italian so far eh? Then he says something and I mumble something that’s neither Italian nor English and press the door release button and hope something happens. After about 30 seconds, the doorbell rings and I open the door. The courier is there and has some packages. I apologise profusely “mi dispiace, non parlo Italiano bene!”. He nods and smiles and then speaks slowly and I sign for the packages and send him on his way. All good in the end, but it really did highlight not only my lack of Italian at this stage, but that at least a tiny amount allowed me to get things done in the end! Phew.

And finally (for today), I still live in hope that the scaffolding will come down any day soon and allow me to open the shutters and use my balcony. It does feel a bit wrong to be paying all this rent and not be able to see out of any of the windows or use the nice big balcony I was so please to get with the apartment!

I cannot explain why, but for the past week or so, I have not been able to sleep at all. I am reverting back to being a teenager where I don’t really want to go to bed because I have too many ideas floating around in my head and sleep seems to be inconvenient. Of course, when the alarm goes off in the morning, bed seems a lot more attractive.

I should be wanting to sleep a lot more – I am going to the gym and not getting much sleep, so I should be tired right? I don’t feel tired at all, I just get stressed that I am not tired when I am lying in bed!

So that’s my insomnia, but how does the she-devil fit into all this? Well although I have been going to the gym, I have become addicted to “La Diavola” – which is my favourite pizza to have for lunch. Maybe this is negating my work at the gym and somehow responsible for my insomnia!

Rant mode on (if it wasn’t already): I mentioned in an earlier post that I was happy because the scoffolding was coming down. In fact, it was doing no such thing! The builders appear not to come anymore and the scaffolding has not started to come down. We were told to leave our shutters down until they had gone – been weeks now since they last did anything. Grrr!

Rant mode off: I can’t think of anything else to rant about right now. On the funny side of life, I did fail miserably in my communication in the gym. The trainer was filling in my details and I am so bad at Italian I got confused about questions on height and weight. I think he put 70kg instead of 80kg, so when I have my next medical and they weigh me – it will look like I’ve gained 10kg despite attending the gym. They will make me work even harder or think I need to cut out those diavole for good! Ah well, it’s all fun and games

Due to the timing of moving to Milan just before Christmas, it seems like I have made a load of New Year’s resolutions. I have just joined a gym and I have started to blog more regularly (here’s hoping). I am even planning on doing a second blog which will be more about technology, reviews and a bit of humour (if that is at all possible, given the subject matter).

I am making all sorts of plans, but they are not resolutions I tell you! I have cut down on beer consumption (but have increased my wine consumption – ho hum). My diet is more varied and I eat more salad, but also more pizza.

There is, of course, a huge list of things that I have been meaning to do and some of those things have been on the list for quite a few years. I do have a bit more time than I used to, so I really should get some of them done. This blog is one, so I am winning already…

All I need to do now is get rid of this cold that has hung around after having the flu – I’ve got to go to the gym tomorrow and I will appear unfit and lame with a bunged up nose!

A mini rant, if I may: why do they not sell squash or cordial in any supermarkets in Milan? Does this disposition affect the whole of Italy? I wonder if they have yet to discover this great way of flavouring water. Some people dig water, but let’s face it – it doesn’t taste of much.

There are all kinds of new things appearing on these blog pages – I have been playing around and I have added a random photo on the right which links to a blog album, a Twitter feed and a Twitter button (why not?). I also tried loads of other things, but didn’t want to clutter the whole thing up too much!

Ciao for now.

After ranting about various things in previous posts, I thought I would add a positive slant to this one. The weather has improved in Milan. The scaffolding is finally coming down from my apartment block this week, so I can finally use the balcony again! I am enjoying cheap but good-tasting wine and I am making new friends. I am enjoying taking photos in Italy with my phone too – the quality is good enough that I don’t use my actual camera so much.

To turn a negative into a positive, business is slow in Italy at this time of year and not many people/businesses are wanting a brand-new website right this minute. This means my time is more relaxing and I can work on side-projects at work at a relaxed pace and I can enjoy the rest of the Italian experience even more! I may even be joining a football/soccer team soon, so that will be exciting and an extra thing to enjoy

And all these positive vibes come to you while I am recovering from the flu. Molto positivo!

After the festive snow, this is another weather related post (so British!). Unfortunately it is raining a lot in Milan at the moment (ironically there is a load of snow back in Britain now) and that means being approached every 5 seconds by umbrella sellers – even if you are holding an umbrella! Why would I buy an umbrella while I am currently using one?!

Actually, while I was in Venice last week, it was raining. So I bought an umbrella and it broke as soon as I opened it – I will remember to bring my usual brolly with me next time.

Venice is a beautiful place – no way I could live there, but great for a holiday. There are so many great places to visit here in Italy. I hope my Italian improves quickly – I am a lot better than when I moved here a few weeks ago, but still a long way off being fully competent!

I have been spending more time having fun than thinking what to write in this blog, but that is good I suppose. I really need to start building my personal website a bit more too, but no rush.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all! (corny I know, but it had to be done).

One problem with living abroad is that you cannot easily avoid travelling at one of the worst times of the year – Christmas (that is if you want to spend it with your family). Not only is it busy, but the weather (in northern Europe) is often a problem and it’s ridiculously expensive to boot!

So, it all started a bit stressfully. Getting the last available flight before Christmas began with a rush-hour bus journey from hell – everyone and their cousins were on this one bus and the traffic was slow. Finally, after much bodily contact with Italian strangers, we got to the train station which takes us to the airport. Things were looking better, the train was on-time and not too busy. On arrival to the airport, we needed to get a bus to transfer us to another terminal. There were many people waiting for this bus, including an irrate American girl who was effing and blinding about how rude people are (she did not like the fact that people had “got in line” – this was apparently rude because she wanted to get on the bus first). Actually, there was no queue, you just position yourself near to where a bus door may be and you get on quickly. The American was not first on, despite her aggressive tongue.

Bearing in mind that there had been a lot of snow in Europe at this time, many flights had been cancelled due to the weather. We only had a 15 minute delay (or so it seemed). It was time to board the plane and the slow queueing ensued, always a pain for this budget airline. A nonsensical approach to boarding which never works well. While waiting in line, the woman in front of us started falling like a felled tree and landed on us (I think we saved her life by breaking her fall onto the marble floor). After lowering the woman gently to the floor, my medical knowledge was exhausted. Thankfully, some bilingual ladies sorted her out and got her back on her feet – I am glad someone knew what they were doing!

On the plane, 15 minutes late as advertised. But what’s this? The airport staff have got their paperwork wrong and there is a further delay. In the end, we were over an hour late and it was nothing to do with the adverse weather conditions, but just some bad paperwork! This was made painful by a looping soundtrack of the same 2 Christmas jingles being played over and over again for an hour!

Despite all that, once I had arrived at my destination, all was forgotten and the eating and drinking could commence.

I cannot understand commuters who listen to their personal stereos (I will not call them iPods – see footnote 1) and read novels at the same time.  If you are listening to anything worth listening to you would not need to bury your head in a novel, unless the novel itself was not worth reading, in which case you shouldn’t be reading it.  Either way, you are not going to get the most out of either the book or the music.

These strange commuters then continue to walk down the streets of London not being able to hear the cyclists shout at them for stepping in their path, not being able to see the ground/pot-holes in front of them due to the aforementioned novel blocking their sight.  Perhaps they will not see or hear the delivery truck that is potentially on a collision course with their sense-deprived being?

Footnotes:

1  There are many brands of personal stereo equipment other than Apple and their iPods.  I personally use a Sony MP3 player (it is ok to call one an MP3 player, if they play MP3s) – my choice is purely based on a company with a history of making high quality audio devices.  But do not under any circumstances call an MP3 player an iPod unless you are being specific!  This particular footnote-sized rant probably falls on deaf ears as the offenders of this atrocity are no doubts the offenders of the initial rant…