The IT Man Cometh

Health is a interesting topic of conversation in Italy. The Italians are relatively obsessive about their health in that many of them like to have blood tests almost to make sure they have a health problem!

I recently overheard a couple exchanging insults about the number of blood tests they have had recently. The man was not bothered and thought he was fine at age 30 and did not need the hassle of going to the doctor. The girl on the other hand, went to the doctor regularly and knew all the stats about her cholesterol and various other things. She even argued (to her partner) “you sit there feeling good, but you may have some terrible diseases and you just don’t know about them!”. Ignorance is bliss, no?

Having discussed health and safety in Italy with some Italian friends, it appears that when putting signs on the street for say, a gaping hole in the ground, a paper note with sticky tape will suffice in terms of getting sued on health and safety grounds. What a relaxed nation – I think I prefer this to the ease of suing that is evident in other countries, even if the “victim” was just plain stupid. That is just my own opinion though! However, I recently got “forced” to have a doctor’s appointment at the gym. The irony being that it is compulsory to have a medical of some sort if you partake in any physical activity in a public building (apparently). From one extreme to the other! I assume there are certain “activities” that don’t count.

So I turn up to my appointment. The doctor does not speak one word of English and only repeats Italian slowly – fair play, although I half-expected a medically trained professional to have some familiarity with some English words as they are quite fundamental in medicine (so I am told). Never mind. So we fill in his questionnaire – I answered affirmative to everything, so I either have every illness under the sun or a clean bill of health. Then he says something which I correctly translate in my head, which is to strip to my pants. I had joked with friends about it being like school and wearing pants in front of the school nurse. Not so funny now. I protested a bit because I couldn’t understand what benefit it was for me to drop trou’ randomly. He then said it didn’t matter and filed my papers away and bid me farewell. Utter craziness! I think the doctor expected me to want to be completely examined in every way (for medical reasons), but no!

So, who knows what my health report says. It may bite me in the rear some day soon, but I live in hope (and by then, maybe my medical Italian language will have improved somewhat). Let it be said that living abroad can turn the most mundane task into a rollercoaster ride due to a lack of cultural and linguistic abilities!

The words I am referring to are of course Italian words. I am picking up Italian so slowly – I have learned a lot of words and the basics in grammar. I can construct sentences and often be understood, but when it comes to the crunch, I cannot understand what anyone says to me and I cannot seem to answer even the most basic of questions!

I don’t know if I’ve started wearing some clothes that make me look more Italian than I did when I moved here 2 months ago. Maybe it’s my lack of regular shaving and therefore my regular showings of an impressive chin-glove (apparently face topiary is popular in Milan…). It may even be the swagger and confidence to walk to work, dodging cars, motorbikes and crazy old ladies without looking bothered. Whatever the reason is, I keep getting approached for directions – sometimes twice a day. My success rate in directing these people to their desitination is about 50/50. The success rate in conveying this in Italian is also about 50/50, but unfortunately that is only when I have to say “Mi dispiace, non lo so”. The others I directed by pointing and gesticulating like I was trying to land a plane, but they got the idea in the end. I realised that I had learned the words for left and right, but not straight on – although thinking about it, I believe “vai diretto” or “sempre in diretto” would do the trick. It’s amazing how much worse my vocabulary is when I actually need it!

A few days ago, I had quite an Italian language day (for me) and it started when I wished my boss “buon compleanno” and told him “mi dispiace, non ho un regalo per te” (I think that is right and seemed to be understood anyway – I know it is not formal!). So far so good. Then everyone in the office (it’s a small office) nipped out for a bit. The last guy that left was doing a half-day and wished me a “buon weekend” and then asked me “hai la chiave?” or something similar. I realised I knew what he had said and responded accordingly “si, si – buon weekend”. Then trust my luck, being on my own in the office for just a short amount of time, the door-phone-thingy rings and I take responsibility and answer “pronto”. Some muffled talking and all I hear is the name of my company so I say “si”. He asks for someone and asks if they are around (I think) and I say “no”. Quality Italian so far eh? Then he says something and I mumble something that’s neither Italian nor English and press the door release button and hope something happens. After about 30 seconds, the doorbell rings and I open the door. The courier is there and has some packages. I apologise profusely “mi dispiace, non parlo Italiano bene!”. He nods and smiles and then speaks slowly and I sign for the packages and send him on his way. All good in the end, but it really did highlight not only my lack of Italian at this stage, but that at least a tiny amount allowed me to get things done in the end! Phew.

And finally (for today), I still live in hope that the scaffolding will come down any day soon and allow me to open the shutters and use my balcony. It does feel a bit wrong to be paying all this rent and not be able to see out of any of the windows or use the nice big balcony I was so please to get with the apartment!

After the festive snow, this is another weather related post (so British!). Unfortunately it is raining a lot in Milan at the moment (ironically there is a load of snow back in Britain now) and that means being approached every 5 seconds by umbrella sellers – even if you are holding an umbrella! Why would I buy an umbrella while I am currently using one?!

Actually, while I was in Venice last week, it was raining. So I bought an umbrella and it broke as soon as I opened it – I will remember to bring my usual brolly with me next time.

Venice is a beautiful place – no way I could live there, but great for a holiday. There are so many great places to visit here in Italy. I hope my Italian improves quickly – I am a lot better than when I moved here a few weeks ago, but still a long way off being fully competent!

I have been spending more time having fun than thinking what to write in this blog, but that is good I suppose. I really need to start building my personal website a bit more too, but no rush.

I cannot understand commuters who listen to their personal stereos (I will not call them iPods – see footnote 1) and read novels at the same time.  If you are listening to anything worth listening to you would not need to bury your head in a novel, unless the novel itself was not worth reading, in which case you shouldn’t be reading it.  Either way, you are not going to get the most out of either the book or the music.

These strange commuters then continue to walk down the streets of London not being able to hear the cyclists shout at them for stepping in their path, not being able to see the ground/pot-holes in front of them due to the aforementioned novel blocking their sight.  Perhaps they will not see or hear the delivery truck that is potentially on a collision course with their sense-deprived being?

Footnotes:

1  There are many brands of personal stereo equipment other than Apple and their iPods.  I personally use a Sony MP3 player (it is ok to call one an MP3 player, if they play MP3s) – my choice is purely based on a company with a history of making high quality audio devices.  But do not under any circumstances call an MP3 player an iPod unless you are being specific!  This particular footnote-sized rant probably falls on deaf ears as the offenders of this atrocity are no doubts the offenders of the initial rant…